What's Love Got To Do With It?
by MystiKoorime
Summary: His pulse quickened at the mere touch of her hand. His eyes followed her when she entered a room. But that was just the push and pull of opposites attracting. It couldn't mean any more than that, because Hiei was cursed to live a life inherently devoid of love. Or so he thought.


This post canon fic was inspired by Tina Turner's _What's Love Got To Do With It?_ and, therefore, uses some of the lyrics from the song.

* * *

"I love you."

The words flowed freely from Botan's mouth as she pressed her soft lips against his. She continued to kiss him, running her hands through his hair soothingly and making it difficult to concentrate. He wanted nothing more than to give into the heat between them - to pull her body closer against his and touch her the way she liked - but those three words had ruined everything.

Botan pulled away, lips and cheeks flushed as blue brows furrowed.

"Hiei?" she tried.

"What's love got to do with this?" he asked.

The ferry-girl's expression fell and the gentle strokes of her fingers on his skin slowed to a halt. A mixture of confusion and shock ran through her features, before she pulled away entirely.

"...I thought it had everything to do with it," she answered, features pinched.

Hiei frowned. There was something magnetic and inexplainable between them. He knew that very well. His pulse quickened at the mere touch of her hand. His eyes followed her when she entered a room. But that was just the push and pull of opposites attracting. It was a physical thing and the more he tried to rationalize it, the more logical it sounded in his mind.

The ferry-girl was beauty, she was light, she was pure - everything that he wasn't - and none could blame him for wanting her to this extent. He was taught to covet what was rare and valuable at a young age and she was undoubtedly both. Desiring her was instinctual and natural. It couldn't mean any more than that, because Hiei was cursed to live a life inherently devoid of love.

"I'm not able to feel such things," he replied lowly. "And you shouldn't feel that way about me. It is a wasted sentiment."

"But it isn't," Botan argued, taking his hand in hers and placing it over her racing heart. "How can it be when you are the only one who does this to me?"

Even through the layers of her silk kimono, he could feel it beating a pace faster than normal. But this was nothing more than desire; nothing more than want.

"It's merely a physical reaction to a physical need," he reasoned.

Botan shook her head, pressing his hand firmer against that steady and strong rhythm.

"A physical reaction to an emotional feeling," she corrected. "I'm in love with you, Hiei. I don't say that lightly or carelessly."

Botan's palm was cool and soft against his hand. Her pale skin glowed beneath the moonlight that fell through his bedroom window, contrasting against the rough and calloused tanned skin of his own hand. Despite the many differences between them, their hearts were now beating in tandem, completely in sync.

"You make me feel more than I ever thought I could," she confessed. "I thought you felt the same, too, somewhere deep inside your heart."

The echoes of a sentiment that he could not quite understand began to stir from within and spread outwards, but Hiei swallowed thickly and pushed it aside.

"I don't," he denied, pulling his hand away from the warmth of her beating chest. "I've discarded such concepts of love and affection a long time ago."

"But why?"

"Because love is nothing more than a second hand emotion at best and a delusion at worst," he spat.

"Hiei..."

"And I don't need something as fragile as a heart if it can be broken," he finished, less severely this time.

"...Is that how you truly feel?" Botan asked, her voice hesitant and so far from its usual tone.

He nodded, the words thick on his tongue and unable to take form.

"...I see," Botan uttered lowly.

Hiei couldn't understand why she was looking at him as though he was breaking her heart, or why his own chest was clenching painfully at the sight. It wasn't his fault that she had become confused and allowed her feelings to misguide her. It wasn't his fault that she wanted more than he could give.

"Botan," he began. He was usually unapologetic in what he wanted and what he did, but he felt as though he owed it to her to clear the air. Perhaps it was due to his honor code. Perhaps it was something else entirely. Whatever the case, the words were spilling out without much thought. "I never promised you a relationship or anything of the sort. You knew what you were getting into when you decided to give yourself me."

"I know," she admitted, eyes downcast as her expression fell. "I just hoped..."

The communication mirror beeped, piercing through the silence that had enveloped them. As Hiei watched her pull the device from her sleeve and slide her features into a more controlled expression, he couldn't help but feel a bit dissatisfied by the turn of events.

"Duty calls," Botan muttered as she avoided his gaze. "I suppose I should go."

Though his fingers twitched to grab a hold of her and make her stay, Hiei made no outward attempt to stop her.

"Goodbye Hiei."

He simply nodded and let her go.

* * *

It had started out as just sex.

He needed release and she was there.

They had somehow continued to find each other after that first night. Over and over again.

It took him a while to realize that he had become solely exclusive to the ferry-girl. And that was fine with him. He was not a social creature, so the less people he interacted with, the better. Botan knew what he wanted and what he liked and was more than capable of giving it to him. They worked - somehow - despite the many differences that should have divided them.

He had come to enjoy this little arrangement of theirs. So when she began to linger after their trysts, he let it be. And when she talked his ear off, he paid her the respect of listening. When she sought him out for nothing more than his company, he allowed himself to be found.

It had become so normal to see the woman day in and day out.

But ever since that damned conversation, she had stopped coming by. It had been days since he last saw the ferry-girl and he was growing tired of waiting her mood out. Taking matters into his own hands, he decided to make the familiar journey to the Spirit World. It only occurred to him that this was the night of that stuffy, frivolous event the ferry-girl insisted he attend when the swelling of music and the intermingled voices of guests reached his ears.

As he entered the main hall, he spotted the Prince sidling up to that black-haired, somber looking ferry-girl. The bumbling blue ogre was at a table, cheeks stuffed with food as he nodded at another ogre. All manner of peons and self-important snobs filled the hall, but Hiei did not much care about any of them. Crimson eyes scanned the crowd for blue-hair and laughing eyes and he visibly relaxed when he found her.

She was dressed in one of those fancy kimonos - the colorfully patterned ones with flowers that she was keen on - and had even done something different with her hair. The light dyed her eyes a shade darker, making them look more purple under the thickness of her lashes. There was a light dusting of color on her cheeks and the rouge on her lips highlighted their shape. She was vibrant; she shined even in a sea of overdone and made up guests.

Hiei was never the type to notice such things, but several days without her had done something strange to him.

He moved a step forward, ready to wade through the crowd and approach her when something stopped him. She had turned towards the psychic - the one she had been recently assigned to - and the way she smiled at him burned something fierce and dark in his chest. The psychic's hand rested on her shoulder as they shared a laugh. He didn't like their proximity. He didn't like it at all. If she was chatting someone else up to get a rise out of him, then it was working.

Jaw clenched in irritation, he waited until the psychic left her side before making himself known.

"Hiei!" Botan lit up as she took a step closer. "You actually came!"

He did not say anything, but she was used to his silences.

"I didn't think you would bother," she continued happily.

His lips pulled into a frown, eyes stern as he tried to figure her out. Botan's smile withered under the intensity of his staring.

"What's wrong?" she questioned.

"I don't like games," he said.

A single blue brow rose questioningly.

"Excuse me?"

"You shouldn't flirt with him when you intend to leave with me."

Amethyst eyes widened incredulously, before she placed her hands on her hips.

"I wasn't flirting with Yuuto!" she defended. "I was simply being friendly!"

His mouth pursed into a firm line. He had witnessed her being _friendly_ up close and personal and the thought of her doing that with someone else made his insides twist.

"And besides, I..." she began, almost hesitantly. "I have no intentions of leaving with you."

His brow furrowed.

"What?"

"I know that I can't make you love me, Hiei," she began. "But if you won't even try to open yourself up to the possibility of it, then I'll only end up hurting in the end. I won't sit around and wait for you forever - I can't..."

"So, it's over, then," he concluded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, that's entirely up to you," she countered. "I meant it when I said that I loved you."

He quelled that annoying flutter in his chest upon hearing those words.

"But I can't keep doing this if you don't reciprocate my feelings," she decided firmly.

He found it ironic that their desire - the very thing that had woven them together in the first place - was now tearing them apart at the seams. A slight change in what the woman wanted was all it took to shift his whole world and turn it on its axis.

But no matter what she said or did, he could not budge from the one truth that had been made painfully clear from the start of his existence. He could not love. It was impossible.

"I already told you where I stand," he replied.

Botan nodded reluctantly, her gaze falling away from his. She had no right to look so sad - not when she was the one giving the ultimatums - but for a brief moment, he felt a pang of what he thought might be regret strike his heart. He did not necessarily want things to end between them, but there was no way they could continue. Not when they were both looking for different things.

This moment was long overdue and, yet, Hiei still was not ready for it, even as their very separate realities caught up to him. When he left this world, the two of them would be no more. Whatever unlikely relations they had built up would dissipate like smoke and become a faded memory with time.

A part of him didn't want that, but Botan's eyes were still on him, searching for something that he knew she wouldn't find. It was as if she expected him to change his mind, as if held onto the hope that he could be the man she wanted him to be.

But he wasn't.

He couldn't be.

He opened his mouth to speak - to say anything to dispel the stifling air between them - when the psychic's return caught him off guard.

"Your drink," Yuuto said, holding out one of the fruity concoctions that she preferred while giving Hiei a nod of acknowledgment.

Botan blinked out of her stupor, forcing a smile on her face.

"Oh, thank you, Yuuto."

Hiei's lip curled into a sneer as he turned away, fists clenched and anger swirling in his crimson eyes. He knew that his affair with the ferry-girl would not last forever. Nothing was made to exist for all eternity, but he did not think this was the way it would end. He always thought he would get tired of her and break it off first. But here she was, turning her bright eyes towards someone else while disregarding him easily.

As he stalked out of the area, he decided that it did not matter. He could always fulfill his needs elsewhere, as he had done long before Botan came around. He was fuming by the time he reached his preferred tavern in the demon world. Pushing the heavy wooden door open, he strode across the cobblestone floor and took up a position at the bar. Though the place became progressively more packed as time ticked on, the seats to his right and left remained empty as most steered clear of the bloodthirsty aura radiating off of him in waves. His skin prickled with irritation, hand tightening around his mug as visions of the ferry-girl and the pretentious psychic refused to impart from his brain. The jagan was pulsing, eager for blood, but Hiei knew of a better way to work off his frustrations.

Scanning the patrons, his eyes landed on a voluptuous temptress. She was the complete opposite of the ferry-girl in every way. From her sun-kissed skin, to her short, dark hair. Her features were sharp and her green eyes piercing. She met his gaze coyly, only one thing on her mind. He could have her if he wanted, but the thought of leaving this place with her washed something cold over him, extinguishing the fires that burned within.

Hiei turned away, frowning down at his nearly empty drink.

Even if he could have another, he didn't _want_ anyone else.

That ferry-girl had already cast her spell over him and now she was the only one who would do. He had gotten so used to her soft touches and sweet taste. His ears were attuned to the tune of her voice in the same way his eyes had drunken in and memorialized her every feature.

She was all he wanted.

But, even so, such needs only amounted to lust.

It wasn't the love she was hoping he would harbor. And he wouldn't pretend it was for the sake of getting what he wanted.

He dropped a few gold coins on the table and stood up, ignoring the affronted glare of the temptress as he returned to Mukuro's fortress alone.

The night was far too long without the woman at his side.

* * *

The next time he saw Botan was under unpleasant circumstances. Mukuro had sent him to deal with a radical faction that had been terrorizing her neighboring lands and Hiei was all too eager to let the thrill of a good fight chase away the unease that had become a permanent fixture in his soul.

When he arrived at the site, he did not expect to see a battle of this caliber, nor did he expect to see the extra participants mixed into the fray. Members of Yomi's camp were fighting alongside Yusuke and his monks, but worst of all was the fact that the ferry-girl and that pompous psychic were here as well. Koenma must have stuck his nose where it did not belong again.

As Hiei fought his way through enemies, he found his gaze drifting towards Botan more often than not. She had no place being here. It was far too dangerous for her and he found it increasingly difficult to focus when she was around.

He had taken down his twelfth foe when it happened. His eyes lifted towards the thundering red sky to ensure that the ferry-girl was unharmed, when he caught sight of an energy blast charging her way. She swerved just enough to avoid a fatal hit, but the attack decimated most of her oar, vaporizing the wood into nothing but thin splinters and causing her to free fall. Hiei rushed to meet her, all of his senses on high alert as he pushed himself far beyond his limits. She was plummeting towards the ground too quickly - and his heart was falling along with her. His muscles burned in overexertion, but he pressed on.

It was only by some miraculous stroke of luck that he managed to reach her in time and when she fell into his arms, the wave of relief that washed over him was enough to drown a weaker soul.

Botan was staring up at him, amethyst eyes wide in disbelief.

"Hiei," she breathed out.

His expression softened as he looked down at her.

"Why do you look so surprised, ferry-girl?" he asked, breathing heavily as well. "Did you think I would let you fall?"

She shook her head, burying her face in the thin material of his black shirt and breathing in his scent. It was clear that she was still rattled; her heart was racing and so was his. Hiei took a deep breath to ground himself and collect his thoughts. It felt good to have her in his arms again, to hold this warm weight once more. He didn't want to let her go, so he kept her in his arms as he moved towards a spot littered with his fallen enemies. He told himself that it was for her benefit - that she needed a moment to compose herself - but he could not fool himself. The ferry-girl's scent had always been calming to him. Her aura exuded tranquility and familiarity. Even during this colossal mess of an excursion, he felt at ease just because she was near. She soothed the irritation in his soul in a way that nothing else could.

When her breathing evened and her heart slowed to a normal pace, he finally set her down. He couldn't help but notice that his pulse had begun to match hers again.

"Thank you."

He remained silent, unworthy of her gratitude. He saved her because he needed her. If she had gotten injured or worse, he would not have known what to do with himself. It was selfish, but it was true.

"I'm sorry if I caused any trouble," she tried.

"You shouldn't even be here," he admonished.

He used to be the one to tell her to stay back. To let the others handle it. Most of the time, she would listen, but he supposed she was back to being reckless now that she had no one to talk sense into her.

"Lord Koenma's orders-"

"The Prince shouldn't be assigning you to missions like this," he cut in tightly, motioning to the carnage occurring around them.

Her features set into a stubborn look, one he had seen countless times.

"I'm not weak, Hiei."

He did not think that she was. She willfully opened herself up to hurt and pain and all of the things he had closed himself off to avoid. She was strong in ways that could not be attained through a simple matter of physical training.

"I never said you were."

"Then what exactly are you getting at?" Botan pressed.

"I'm telling you to be smarter, woman. Do not join a battle like this. Leave it to the others," he recited. "I've told you this before."

Some of the tension drained from her expression as understanding settled in, a softer look entering her amethyst eyes.

"You never listen," he finished.

The corners of her lips upturned slightly as her gaze turned fond and filled with more affection than he deserved.

"You're one to talk, you know," she pointed out lightly.

Hiei crossed his arms over his chest, fixing her with a stubborn look as a flash of lightning illuminated the area around them.

"Hey!" Yusuke shouted over the thunder as he ran past them. "A little less flirting, a little more fighting!"

The fire-demon cast a withering look at his former ally, before returning his attentions to the ferry-girl.

"Go back to the Spirit World," he instructed.

"But-"

"I can't concentrate when you're around."

Her eyes grew wide with shock and he realized what he had just admitted. He swallowed thickly and glanced away.

"I'm planning to finish this with the dragon, but it will be too risky with you in the vicinity," he corrected stiffly. "I can't concentrate on obliterating the enemies while keeping you safe."

Botan nodded, her demeanor much more compliant than earlier. Perhaps his warning finally sunk in.

"Alright, but please be careful and try not to overdo it," she urged.

Though it wasn't in his nature to err on the side of caution, he nodded regardless.

"And come find me if you get injured," she added.

Hiei frowned, but Botan wasn't finished.

"It's the least I can do after you saved me from a nearly fatal fall," she reminded him. "So, promise me that you will."

Her gaze was soft and caring and everything he had to do without in the past few days. The empty ache in his chest was beginning to ebb away and he wondered if she could see it - if she knew the strange effect she had on him. He did not have much time to dwell on it, though. The ground quivered beneath them and he was suddenly jolted back to the harsh reality of their situation. There was no time to deliberate, so he simply relented.

"Fine," he said. "I will come to you if need be."

Botan nodded back at him and then followed after one of Yusuke's allies as he escorted her away from the area. Hiei waited until she was out of sight, before unraveling his bandages and facing the mass of enemies in the distance.

There was no way that he would become injured by a group like this and for the first time in his existence, he cursed his own strength.

* * *

Hiei only made an appearance at Genkai's temple the following day because his sister had asked him to.

It had nothing to do with the fact that he missed an opportunity to see the ferry-girl after last night's battle.

It had nothing to do with the sight of her right now with her melodic laughter and bright eyes.

He was here for Yukina.

And yet, somehow, over the course of all his denying, he had ended up alone with Botan. She stood across from him in the narrow hallway, dressed in her pink kimono and wearing that smile that made it look as though she knew something that no one else was privy to. The others had convened in the game room and the boisterous noise emanating from a few paces down contrasted the quiet that stretched between the two of them.

"I'm glad to see you're in tip-top shape," Botan said. "I was worried that you might've gotten hurt and were too stubborn to get help."

"Hn, the enemy's only strength lied in their numbers. In the end, they all became fodder for the dragon."

"I see."

"And besides," he continued, lower this time. "I gave you my word. I wouldn't go back on that."

"That's true," she acknowledged, her eyes twinkling with something he could not quite catch in the dimly lit hallway.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and fixed his eyes on the wall beside her. This was the first time they had been truly alone since Botan had told him that she loved him. They weren't surrounded by nosy spirits at an overcrowded gala or in the middle of a battlefield with chaos erupting on every side. They stood in the enclosed and tight space of the narrow hallway, their words only for each other, their gazes a sight that no one else would see. This privacy gave way to intimacy and if he stared at her too long, he would start to think of the things he had been suppressing; the truths he was not sure he was ready for.

"I've missed you, Hiei."

She had said it so suddenly and earnestly that he was not sure if it was real. He drew his gaze back to her, eyes widened a fraction. Though he could not bring himself to admit it, the same sentiment was tucked away in a hidden corner of his heart. The ache that could not be fulfilled by anyone else - the irritation that could not be soothed through training - perhaps this was longing. Perhaps he had missed her all along.

"You shouldn't," he discouraged, his carefully constructed tone hiding the unspoken: ' _I shouldn't_ ' that lingered in the air.

"Maybe so," she agreed with a wistful nod of her head. "But I can't help it."

Hiei was silent at that. He couldn't think, much less speak when the mood was so heavy between them. He focused on the wooden floors instead, hands balled into fists and concealed within his pockets.

"You should stop by more often," Botan requested. "Even if you don't feel the same way, I still consider you to be someone important to me."

He lifted his gaze to meet hers searchingly.

"You do?"

"I always have."

He swallowed thickly as he felt the pieces of his guard chipping away and slipping off. If she kept looking at him like that - it would all crumble and fall. There would be nothing left. She would see right through him and he couldn't let that happen. The weight in his chest was getting heavier and heavier; it was suffocating.

"It's alright," Botan cut in suddenly, as if she had read his mind. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"Woman," he began, unsure of what he could really say at a time like this.

But the ferry-girl only smiled at him, an uncharacteristic sadness coloring her eyes.

"I should get back to the girls. I promised I'd help with lunch."

Botan turned away from him and he did the same. This was all he was capable of in the end: burning everything to ash and scorching what small bonds he had managed to make.

He walked towards the end of the hall, frowning when Yusuke stepped out of the shadows and blocked his path.

"Dude... that could have gone better..." he noted.

Hiei gritted his teeth.

"Do you make it a habit to spy on people, detective?"

"Former detective," Yusuke amended. "And, no, I wasn't spying. I was on my way to take a leak, but you and Botan were blocking the way." He paused in his explanation to cock a thumb at his ears. "It's not like I planned on eavesdropping, but these mazoku ears hear everything."

Hiei rolled his eyes. He was in no mood for his lighthearted banter, not when there was a storm raging in his mind.

"Move out of my way, Yusuke," he ordered, side-stepping him.

"Wait," Yusuke called out, following behind a few paces.

"Leave me be."

"Give me two minutes and I will."

"No."

"Would you just-" Yusuke sighed, before switching his tune. "I know you and Botan have been screwing like bunnies since the second demon world tournament."

That stopped the fire-demon in his tracks. He turned around to face Yusuke, sharp eyes narrowed accusingly.

"She told you?"

"She didn't have to. You guys weren't exactly subtle about it..." Yusuke said sheepishly. "Pretty sure everyone else knew, too."

He wasn't thrilled with the news, but he supposed there was no point in wasting any further thought on it.

"It doesn't matter," Hiei dismissed. "That arrangement is long over."

Yusuke frowned.

"And you're okay with just letting her go like that?"

"Yes," Hiei lied, despite the irritation that lingered in his soul telling him otherwise. "Unlike you and the rest of this motley crew, I do not become so easily attached."

Yusuke sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Man, are you stubborn!"

Hiei's glare might have deterred a lesser man, but Yusuke was something else entirely.

"A girl like Botan won't wait around forever, you know. Take it from a guy who almost had to learn that lesson the hard way."

Hiei noticed the distant look in the other man's eyes. Yusuke was undoubtedly projecting his past history onto him. But he and Botan were nothing like the detective and his woman.

"I never asked her to wait," Hiei began.

"That doesn't mean she still isn't waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and realize how important she is to you."

Hiei's jaw clenched as he ground his teeth together. The denial rested on his tongue, but he could not bring himself to say the words. Probably because doing so would be a blatant and unbelievable lie. He did care for the ferry-girl. These past few days taught him that much.

"You better figure out what she means to you and what you really want from her before it's too late. I'm saying this as a friend," Yusuke advised.

Hiei opened his mouth to respond, but Yusuke was quicker.

"-And don't try to deny that we're friends. I know I'm buried somewhere deep down inside that cold, black heart of yours," he stated knowingly. "And somewhere even more important, I bet I'd find a blue-haired, blabbermouth of a ferry-girl."

Hiei averted his gaze.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he dismissed.

"Maybe not. This is Kuwabara's area of expertise, after all," he joked with a light chuckle.

Hiei did not see the humor in any of this, though. His mouth was still set in a firm line and the tension that ran through his shoulders was nearly impossible to release. Ever since Botan had uttered those three words, he had been on edge. Nothing felt right.

"Anyway, just think about what I said. You're both my friends and I'd hate to see you miserable."

"...The ferry-girl is fine," Hiei dismissed. "She isn't miserable."

"She may be smiling all the time and acting cheery, but you and I both know she isn't really happy."

Hiei was inclined to agree. She may have been able to fool most of the others, but he could see the truth. Her expressions were empty and hollow.

Just like each day that passed without her.

He clenched his fist, an unfounded anger coming upon him.

"It was just sex," he stated. As if saying that enough times would make it true.

"Really?" Yusuke asked, raising an unconvinced brow. "So what do you call those little lunch dates at Mukuro's? And those moonlit strolls and shit?"

"What?"

"You were always together. You can't deny that."

Botan had visited him at the fortress often. He didn't like the way the other soldiers stared at her, so he took her to more secluded places. She gushed over the scenery and he did not much mind her presence or that enthralled look on her face whenever he brought her somewhere new. He found that he liked it when he was the one who put that smile on her face.

Sometimes, he would even seek her out in the Spirit World. More often than not, she was busy, and he found himself in the hard and stuffy chair of the archives room, while she scribbled furiously beside him. He would watch her and feel the corner of his lips lift as she scrambled to meet a deadline. If she was cutting it close, he'd offer to burn the entire place to the ground. She would laugh, pretend to consider it and then eventually decide against it. They had spent many similar moments together in that damned world, though it never seemed to bother him back then.

They had even met up in the human world more times than he could count. Hiei was never sure how she roped him into joining her on little excursions here and there, but it rarely took much convincing.

He joined her because he wanted to see her.

He wanted to see her because he liked her.

And maybe that like extended into something much more.

Maybe it was actually love.

His heart beat so loud in agreement that there was no use in denying it.

 _Fuck._

Hiei's teeth gritted in irritation.

He had been such a fool.

He met Yusuke's knowing gaze begrudgingly.

"It wasn't just sex," Hiei admitted.

"Bingo," Yusuke recited as he clapped a hand on Hiei's shoulder. "You win the prize."

* * *

Kurama had always claimed that his impulsivity was one of his major flaws, so, for once, Hiei decided to take things slow and gradual; to give himself the time necessary to come to terms with his emotions and ensure that they were not a mere whim.

The days that followed were long and the nights were restless, but Hiei endured them.

He scoured his memories with the ferry-girl, searching for signs of the love that now resided in his heart, and he wasn't surprised to find it everywhere. He could not pinpoint the moment these feelings began to arise, but it was becoming harder and harder to find places where they did not exist. It had become so natural - like an undercurrent running through every interaction and in every thought - that he did not realize it had completely overtaken him.

The sun was rising, slivers of gold and warmth washing over his bedroom, but it felt cold and empty without the woman by his side.

He closed his eyes and saw her soft smile and twinkling eyes. He could feel the touch of her hand if he concentrated hard enough and the cheery sound of her voice. Their lighthearted conversations ran through his mind often. And the deeper ones stayed in his soul.

The way his chest filled with affection; this strange new rhythm to his heart. It could only be the result of one thing.

He found love and he did not want to let it go. He did not need to deliberate any longer. The decision was made.

So, later that day, he slipped away and journeyed to the Spirit World. Botan always left her balcony door unlocked - despite him telling her to lock it on multiple occasions - and this time was no different. Perhaps she had left it that way for him. Maybe, she would still be willing to give him a chance.

He entered her room quietly, not bothering to close the door. The curtains billowed in the wind behind him, but he welcomed the cold air on his heated skin.

Botan turned away from her vanity, blue brows rounded as she regarded him.

"Hiei..."

The soft way his name left her lips, the affection gleaming in her eyes - it was more than he deserved. He drank in the sight of her with her hair down, heart open and emotions bared just for him. No one else ever saw this side to her and he wanted to keep it that way. His feet carried him over to her without any conscious thought and before he knew it, he had closed the distance between them. He wasn't sure which of them made the first move, but with Botan's lips on his, it did not really matter.

When he told her that it was impossible for him to love, he had only been fooling himself. Lying to protect the heart of his that was so fragile and frail that he had to build walls around it. It would break so easily if he let her in; if he truly allowed himself to accept the truth.

But it was worth the risk.

 _She_ was worth the risk.

The chains of his past had broken off a long time ago. He was the one foolishly holding onto the ghost of their remnants. But no longer. He refused to do it anymore.

He pulled away first. Botan's hands moved to rest on his forearms as he held her waist. He did not want to let her go. Not until she knew the truth. Taking a deep breath, he began to say the things he should have told her all along.

"I don't need much in this life, woman, but I've come to realize that I need you."

"…"

"I want you."

"…"

"I think I even love you, Botan."

She tilted her head, goading him on in that light way of hers.

"You think?"

"I don't like it when you're not near me," he told her, gaze dithering slightly as he spoke. "I don't like it at all."

A slow smile stretched her lips and painted her expression.

"I feel the same."

"I should have listened to you before. You were right to see our time together for what it really was."

"And what was it, Hiei?" she asked, her hand on his cheek guiding his gaze back to meet hers.

He knew she needed to hear it from him as much as he needed to admit it aloud. It was the least he could do.

"It was never a mere physical pull. It ran much deeper than that," he confessed.

Her eyes welled with tears, but he wasn't worried. That was her response to happiness when she was extremely touched and he had long since gotten used to it.

"Do you mean that?" she asked.

He nodded.

"I didn't think it was possible, but you made me love you."

He suddenly found himself crushed against her as she hugged him tightly.

"I love you, too, Hiei," she whispered, just for him.

And just like that, his heart was free. It was no longer hidden behind stone walls, encased in icy stoicism or scorched by the fires of his past. It was enveloped in the light and warmth that had previously been out of his reach.

It was his now; Botan had given that to him.

He circled his arms around her and let out the breath he did not know he was holding. As he looked down at Botan, he supposed that love had everything to do with it, after all.

* * *

Took you long enough, Hiei ;)

(Side note: a few readers have asked if they can draw art inspired by my stories and my answer will always be yes. I don't think you need my permission to create art, all I ask is that you share it with me, so I can fangirl over it and give it the love it deserves.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the story! This idea has been sitting in my WIPs for a long time, so I am beyond thrilled to finally release it. Drop a note if you liked it! :)


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